The Black Box.

As if I've stepped into in a spider's web. I dare not move... That which creates dizzying flights,  Desiring the moon... Will bring instead my Destruction. As a fox. I run! The hounds see movement. A flash of red. On fallen leaves, Darkens their teeth and matted fur  The awfulness of the last session. Frozen, and torn. Gives The death-blow to  Truth. He asks me - 'Two weeks ago. What happened?  Me -"My first thought is - is this a good idea going back to what happened? He is puzzled Me -"Why wouldn't it be a good idea - so the aim of this is what?" He says then we would find out what happened. I really, really do not think that this is a good idea! But he is going to do it! He begins to tell me why things were problematic for me! Me -"I need to stop you there. Things were not problematic for me, they were problematic for you. This is a problem for you.  Because I was in a situation that didn't make any sense to me. Suddenly I was in a situation...

The room is  cold. Air filters...breathe out  glacial air. Like being on a space ship. He talks about  disinfecting  surfaces. [Definitions of contrariness. Deliberate and stubborn unruliness and resistance to guidance or discipline. Synonyms: perverseness, perversity.] There isn't a good way to describe this session It began well enough - but that was deceptive, The intent behind the cheery beginning was not good, not good at all! He had made a list of subjects I'd suggested from our emails:  Symbolization.  Emails and contracting. A nd 'script analysis'.  He said that he was becoming aware of a theme... And in particular, he wished to talk directly about emails and contracting. I am lost and bewildered. Why is he asking me this? In level 2 it often felt as if we talked about nothing else except 'contracting'! I remember having to make myself learn contracting as a script. For the life of me now, I have no idea why it seemed so difficult. I guess tra...

Again, he starts with 'chit chat' - chit chat being his term for fluffy conversation - and it is nice. Yet I have no idea what to make of it. Is this part of the ' Kohuts ' - ' Twinship ' or, or is it 'real'?  Could it be indicative of his trust in me, of our pleasure in being together for the purpose of discussion? Or is this an act? I have no idea.  And so it is exhausting! I take everything on face value. This is chit chat. This is all I can know right now. He goes into the kitchen to make me a cup of coffee. When he returns I continue the 'chit chat' and we are  metaphorically in Hereford cathedral . We are talking about the Mappa Mundi - and I feel as if we are there, together - when he suddenly says 'It's funny light - do we need the light on ' ?  I say, 'it's the time of year and I'm ok' and he says 'good, because I'm ok as well' .  And this synchrony breaks my heart wide open.  He asks me, ...