The Black Box.

The person using denial will create an altered reality.  It will be an interlocking web of denial statements and narratives.  They will import reasonable arguments to support their unreason.  They will use deception. They will re-frame using kindly terms for cruel words or actions.  And they will tell you again and again how nice and reasonable they are being... I don't think that it is possible to remain sane when your legitimate request for something to change, is met with denial! But understanding what might happen, knowing just how bad things can get if you complain, will help you to remain on your own side.  Here are some of the reasons why people don't speak out. When a person finds themselves in a relationship ( partners , work, with an institution) that is beginning to feel off, or hurtful, it is easy to either blame yourself for being too sensitive, or blame them for being insensitive. My advice? Go read Marshall Rosenburg's book: Non-Violent Communicat...

As my eyes fill with tears... Listening to the track that is my song of the month. [+] Thinking, what is it about the story of this tragic therapy with Kit that matters so much? So much that I have to find a way through this. In other words, where does the energy for all these words come from? The pain in my heart from the unknowing, the lack of clarity or resolution with Kit is one thing. My 'problem' with the conduct of some therapists is another. It is time for me to think clearly about my own Factor Xs.  Factor 1. 'Mrs Stable'. My first marriage was to a gentle and kind man. But his shame, secrecy, out of control spending, and OCD behaviour were too much for me. We had two small children, and his credit card repayment each month was more than the mortgage. I said that we needed therapy.  What resulted was terrible therapy - from a highly qualified psychotherapist.  I'm not sure now that is the case - but esteemed yes, and in private practice.  My husband wou...

Every so often I think that writing this blog is cowardly! Then I think I should make a complaint to his ethical body. That I should step forward and see how the judgment goes.  Then I remember exactly why I'm not doing that, and why it can't happen.  Denial works, it blocks resolution. It freezes repair. It keeps the anger going...When I forget anger and start feeling as if I really should make all this official, I read his published articles. They don't provide any definitive answers but there are enough of the things he said to me, expressed through his fictional case study characters, enough to diagnose an underlying misogyny.    Yes I know ... I'm 'diagnosing'. Back to denial! Denial has become one of my favourite subjects as a result of my experiences with Kit - so let's have a brief run through of how denial operates over and over in a thousand different companies, relationships, yada yada. Denial begins with the complaint. Person A tells person B ...