The Black Box.

He  - So, what's for today then? Me  - "Oh, offering the scarf!" A rush of pain washes over me as I begin to write. This is  t he last session.   Then and now, I was really aware that I wanted to leave  having done it right.   My integrity is rooted in one statement:  love is worth dying for . Perhaps it is the only thing... I had chosen not to run.  I had trusted that Kit would stop treating self-disclosure as dangerous. He didn't.  Instead he lectured me about avoidance, whilst he avoided making any reply to my questions. He ignored the power-dynamic he had created, and failed to understand that it would be maintained by his  absence. I left his room feeling worthless...disempowered, suicidal.  I'd set my coordinates straight for the heart of the storm; my role is to work with the people who get medicated unless we find a way to turn self-attack and justified rage, fear, hallucinations and paranoia into a narrative to be evolv...

I had discovered that mandatory therapy doesn't end until we have done at least 50 hours of placement and we have a letter from our therapist passing us as stable (!) And also to have filled out more forms to highlight our areas for development, and then also listing what CPD we are planning on taking.  In other words, I need not have given him a date to end therapy. He asks , ' have you found anybody'?  A new therapist... I say that I will leave that until I find a placement. And he isn't saying  anything.  Then we are talking about transcripts. He is telling me to never write my own transcripts because I can use a transcription service!  I write my own transcripts..  I say, 'where does that leave the promise of confidentiality then! I mean talking about a client to a supervisor for the purposes of making sure that I'm doing the best I can for that person is one thing, breaking confidentiality by letting some nameless person transcribe a conversation...