Day 6.

I've been referred to a something by the police. I don't know what it is. I was asked briefly if I wanted to be referred for 'support' and I believe that I'd said no.

Here comes another lesson in shame and stigma.... Sometimes the people referred to me arrive feeling as I feel now. Stigmatized, shamed, their wishes have been violated. Note I don't feel ashamed, I feel that an unasked for, unwanted referral is an attack on my (now very fragile) identity..

Usually the people unwillingly referred, realise when they talk to me that we are doing damage limitation. A part of that is making it clear that they don't have to see me unless they consider it helpful.. there is a specific sfbt strategy for referrals that undoes the stigma by focusing on practicalities. So I can make it ok...

But I don't know if there's a way out of this referral for me. I don't want it, but if it was part of how I escaped I'm going to have to make the best of it. Seeing how 'mental health ' is delivered and to whom will be interesting. But my time is precious to me and the damage I'm taking to my self identity is not good or useful. 

A part of me is livid with rage.

It reminds me again that the therapist is dangerous and that my usual stance of not fighting, not reporting just might always have been the wrong choice..

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