The client's experience...

I'm still looking for and researching the other side - the client's experience of making an official complaint. As I read, I encounter a mix of sadness and anger. And something else rises to the top, I feel guilt? 

I'm just reading, gathering information.

I'm not taking action, 

I'm not designing or doing anything except absorbing the impact. Realising how many clients get hurt by therapy, then reading how utterly crushed they are by the complaint process. 

I'm being a little harsh on myself though. Research is important...if I write a plan, make a kanban, be kind to myself, trust myself.

It's ok.

No.

I don't feel ok.

I'm sitting very uncomfortable by the fire, on the floor. The room grows darker. Exactly as it was just before I went to the police station. I feel the same heaviness.

But there is another feeling, like a tiny shoot pushing up between slabs of broken concrete. I feel a kind of triumph..

It really helps knowing that I'm not alone, that therapists often throw clients under the bus. We (I'm a therapist ) have the language and tone of voice to do it. We can provide the compelling explanation that will render your account void. Simply put, it goes like this. You were broken when you came to therapy, you weren't able to understand because you were so emotional. You totally misunderstood that therapy isn't a magic wand... you have a personality problem, evidenced by the fact that you were broken. You imagined that therapy was harmful... like you reacted before when you felt wronged by your bosses decisions, or your husband's behaviour towards you. You imagined it all!

You can't prove otherwise!

So how can a client prove otherwise, produce evidence of a therapist's harmful words, or  behaviour? A defensive therapist knows better than to write emails. And it is extremely easy for a therapist to pathologize anyone, especially if the therapist believes in disorders. Even if the therapist understands that distress, panic, need for reassurance, are responses - not conditions!

So we request notes! And the notes should provide the reasons why they treated you as they did in therapy. 

And that still won't necessarily capture it.

Unless you write notes too?

Definitely write notes. 

And if you feel uncomfortable about something, record the session when you try to resolve it.

I am suggesting that you do as I did. The law about recording people without their express permission isn't clear to me. I believe - I don't know - that the law about recordings focuses on how that recording is used. So you won't be able to use it as direct evidence, or play it to anyone else. But, you will be able to really think about what was said,  the tone of voice, and notice what is having the greatest impact on how you felt at the time!

Stay with it. Understand. Then formulate your complaint.

My thinking is, if a client feels that the therapist genuinely tries to resolve the damage they have done, there is hope. 

But resolving the damage isn't going to sound like fighting, compromise or defence.

Someone suggested to me that the therapist's supervisor could act as a mediator. This sounds ok, but it really isn't. The supervisor can't be impartial. They work - they are paid, every month to with that therapist! The supervisor is the therapist's life support when the s*** hits the fan. But I believe that the supervisor should be informed of the outcome following mediation, to help support the therapist come to terms with the requirements of the mediation. 

The mediator leads the disputes on a step by step journey from chaotic raw emotions, hurt, anger and fear into a solution focused dialogue about concrete action and change. 

By hearing the hurt on both sides and gently shifting the problem from within individuals to outside. Looking at it as something that exists within action. And getting everyone interested in what can be done differently!

Talking about blame, responsibility, impact is a part of the process, those feelings point to needs...it is essential to understand this. To go beyond venting, whilst witnessing and respecting the power tied up in defensive feelings.

And this has to be done in a private conversation with someone neither of you will ever see again.

So yes this combination of Gestalt and sfbt really is my domain...

I need a plan.