The client's experience...

I'm still looking for and researching the other side - the client's experience when making an official complaint. As I read, I encounter a mix of sadness and anger. And something else rises to the top, I feel guilt? 

I'm not taking action, I'm not designing or doing anything except absorbing the impact. But sure it is true, research is important...if I write a plan, make a kanban, be kind to myself, trust myself.

It's ok.

I don't feel ok.

I'm sitting very uncomfortable by the fire, on the floor. The room grows darker. Exactly as it was just before I went to the police station. I feel the same heaviness, but also now, a kind of triumph..

It really helps knowing that I'm not alone, that therapists often throw clients under the bus. We (I'm a therapist ) have the language and tone of voice to do it. We can provide the compelling explanation that will render your account void.

And where is your evidence?

I'm reminded that I began recording my sessions because I felt that I had to protect my sanity...

So how can a client produce evidence for a therapist's harmful words, or  behaviour? A defensive therapist knows better than to write emails. And it is extremely easy for a therapist to pathologize anyone, especially if the therapist believes in disorders. Even if the therapist understands responses and refuses to go along with paranoid fantasies of disorder, their notes should provide the reasons why they treated you as they did in therapy. Yet the dice are still weighted against you the client.. for they write the notes, not you.

Unless you write notes too?

Definitely write notes. And if you feel uncomfortable about something, record the session when you try to resolve it.

My thinking is, if a client feels that the therapist genuinely tries to resolve the damage they have done, there is hope. 

But, who will know if the therapist has changed their ways?

Someone suggested to me that the therapist's supervisor could act as mediator. This sounds ok, but it really isn't. Mediation, is only like therapy in needing a totally impartial other to act as the mediator. The supervisor can't be impartial. They work every month with that therapist. 

Nor is mediation a matter of enabling people to be congruent. Mediation is a step by step journey from raw emotion, hurt, anger and fear into a solution focused dialogue about concrete action and change. 

So yes this is my domain...

I need a plan.