February...fantasy into abuse.

It is February - and I always get the urge to do something about what happened in February. Doing something is dangerous. The intuition that I was 'standing on thin ice '  when I sent him my victim statement proved true.

My vow to make the narrative and information freeware, wrong term - but it fits - continues. Next step is to get the story published.

Why?

Because whistle blowers get a very raw deal, and people prefer not to complain. A stoic, just get on with it mentality is seen as noble. We are socialised into displaying humility, saying 'I don't know the whole story, perhaps I'm wrong? I don't want to do anyone any harm'.

So abusers get away with it.

And it feels very wrong to say that psychotherapy could be harmful. Though of course, this is why my training took so long, and why I'm going back to university. But I want it understood here and now that psychotherapy isn't scientific, most of what we are taught is a set of interlocking concepts. They are compelling, but culturally created. They are not the truth about you.

Relationship is the thing that heals. But this too gets tangled up and corrupted by therapeutic concepts - linking the reparative relationship with the therapist's idealised notions of the child, and childhood.

The causes of how the therapist successfully re-traumatized me rests with what I'd call, therapeutic mythologies. These can be absorbed and quoted, as if the therapist is a cult member. Whilst underneath his beliefs and adherence to a mythos, the therapist had summoned Gottman's famous 'four horseman of the apocalypse'. The horseman? Contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling - that was entirely his own addition.

The therapist criticised me, he attacked my character calling me tangential and contrary. He showed contempt, attacking my sense of self by taking the moral high ground, calling me transgressive. He acted defensively.... after stonewalling.

And all this could be forgivable except, he's a psychotherapist.

I'm really aware of the damage therapists albeit accidentally, do. I'm reading other client accounts, and looking at the dynamics of the reparative relationship - when therapists offer something rooted primarily in the therapist's fantasy. 

The language evolved from the BDSM community is of great help here, it provides a far better understanding of how not to turn fantasy into abuse - by naming, asking, expressing - and how to navigate power dynamics. Excising Eros isn't necessary, nor is it possible! The concept of sublimation is perfect here - but the pathway to this is not present in either infantilization, or 'reparenting'!