The Fairy Godfather.

My Substack post is a reflection on my previous blog entry, centering on the problem with the 'reparative' relationship.

 Over here...[+]

Meanwhile, here is a Link to a podcast which explores an extreme example of reparative therapy gone wrong!

It was liberating for me to hear that the 'therapist' at the centre of this podcast also uses the police - accusing the people trying to get answers, of harassment! Opening up the question once again, about how to safely communicate complaint to a therapist (my future domain). 

I found this podcast helpful because it describes the process a client goes through, of bewilderment leading to dependency, this podcast helps me to understand how compelling the theory of childhood abuse and neglect can be in determining how therapy proceeds regardless of the client's facts, narrative and needs.

Now I didn't really buy into the therapist's belief system. Understanding my childhood is a journey I've already taken and I had found it useless knowledge, absolutely redundant in helping me integrate the fear and grief of the past four years.

EMDR would have helped  me to process the recent trauma. But Wim Hof method is £0.00! 

At the first of his questions about how I felt as a child, I explained that I'd already taken that trip in my teens. Visiting the house, really re-experiencing, moving from seeing myself as a victim to understanding that I was loved and life can be truly awful, finally understanding that everyone tried to do their best. This is what I told him, and each time he tried again to remind me of how it felt to feel lost, alone,  misunderstood, at risk...same answer from me.

My refusal to go there.

Resistance, or proof of my self confidence?

Of course, for a child when their parents are struggling with caring for a dying parent, work; my dad worked nights and my mom during the day, and I was a toddler - of course for me the absence of a fairy godmother was devastating!

As an adult though, I get it. And the meanings of my childhood experiences changed in alignment with my experiences of adulthood.

So is that it? Have I inadvertently stumbled upon the word, the key to what was going on inside the therapist? I'm thinking now that he needed me to need him to save me, to be my protector, my Fairy Godfather - a lesser known character! Continually making parents pay for what they do to children. It is of no concern to the fairy godfather to consider how complicated life is. No desire in the fairy godfather to recognise the truth that perfect isn't! 

Simply not his job.

Well this feels right, strange to say, but definitely once I obviously wasn't going to agree that rubbishing and blaming my parents is any kind of therapy for me....all he could do was explain how he could see clients becoming Children again and again. As if this is verifiable, and core to therapy - rather than his personal bias.

Madness!

And if he truly identified himself, albeit unconsciously with that role of Godfather? This explains his outrage when I described my adult feelings for him!

So strange, but whatever! Metaphor and metaphorical thinking is how I position myself in relation to problems. It captures the feeling aspect, and can cause a shift...

But it does nothing to right the wrong of his approach leading to my re-traumatisation.

I won't get the apology, I won't get any reassurance that he has learnt anything from my account - my victim statement. I will never know what happened to him as a student that contaminated therapy. And this is bloody frustrating.

But, I'm going to be taking the complaint process forward. Too much to hope for that I also evolve a process to prevent therapists making false claims of harassment against people who have legitimate concerns. But, who knows. I will do my best.