Cupid's pin cushion.

Here I go again, someone has paid me attention - and I would love there to be more, but we have only met socially; we have intense conversations followed by a flurry of WhatsApp messages. There are some flickers of hope - my friends said 'oh...he likes you!' 

But me? 

Zero confidence in myself. 

I'm a shattered wreck.

I burn.

I panic

The therapist is still in my heart.

I can't grieve for the therapist, there isn't enough reality to grasp, to understand even. If I think of him - like now - my eyes fill with tears. And I'm going to say it again! I got over the end of 25 years of marriage in about six months because everything was clear, I got closure. But this, this falling in love with a therapist who refused to talk honestly, simply reacted towards me as if I should have known better...this so called therapeutic approach to this so called erotic transference replicated the damaging behaviour my husband used. 

Ambiguous language for a start, some of the phrases still echo...

And so, this sensation of falling for someone again, terrifies me, and I am certain that if I hadn't had 'therapy' I would not be like this!

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