The Black Box.

As if I've stepped into in a spider's web. I dare not move... That which creates dizzying flights,  Desiring the moon... Will bring instead my Destruction. As a fox. I run! The hounds see movement. A flash of red. On fallen leaves, Darkens their teeth and matted fur  The awfulness of the last session. Frozen, and torn. Gives The death-blow to  Truth. He  -So, two weeks ago, what happened? Me  -"My first thought is - is this a good idea going back to what happened? He  - Why wouldn't it be a good idea? Me  -"Why wouldn't it be a good idea - so the aim of this is what?" He  -To find out what happened Me  -"So from my point of view, you had a list of possible things to do, you said 'symbolization' and I said yes! And you said emails and contracting, but was that really one of my questions? I know we had talked about it before in a previous session - so I replied that I didn't have any questions about that -  it was your concern, not my conc...

The room is  cold. Air filters...breathe out  glacial air. Like being on a space ship. He talks about  disinfecting  surfaces. [Definitions of contrariness . Deliberate and stubborn unruliness and resistance to guidance or discipline. Synonyms: perverseness, perversity.] He refers to a sheet of A 4 : He -  I have a list taken from your emails   Symbolization .  Emails and contracting ;  in the email there were things you were hearing which I wasn't meaning to say.  A nd ' script analysis '. " I say -  (referring to script analysis)  "That last one was a joke - but we could do that if you want? He  - It sparked a few thoughts....Well, there is a theme here I think in terms of... Me -  (unfortunately I am still in joke mode)  "That sounds like induction to me..." He  - Well if someone has a script it means it keeps reoccurring I think, and the minute you mentioned script analysis I thought, ah yes all these things...

Again, he starts with 'chit chat' - chit chat being his term for fluffy conversation - and it is nice. Yet I have no idea what to make of it. Is this part of the 'Kohuts' - 'Twinship' or, or is it 'real'?  Could it be indicative of his trust in me, of our pleasure in being together for the purpose of discussion? Or is this an act? I have no idea.  And it is exhausting! So I take everything on face value. This is chit chat. This is all I can know right now. He goes into the kitchen to make me a cup of coffee. When he returns I continue the 'chit chat' and we are  metaphorically in Hereford cathedral. We are talking about the Mappa Mundi - and I feel as if we are there, together - when he suddenly says  'It's funny light - do we need the light on ' ?  I say, 'it's the time of year and I'm ok' and he says  'good, because I'm ok as well' .  And this synchrony breaks my heart wide open.  He -  So, where would yo...