The angle of the sun.

 My research into victim's experiences continues. My head is full of other people's stories, at once so familiar and yet so distant. A lot of my information comes from stories shared on Facebook where at least I can leave a comment of support. But, needs must, I have to strip the information of the human and place the type of event on a spectrum. This makes me feel as if I'm a part of the problem. Since human concern and care is what victims need the most.

So far what has surprised me is the number of clients who have married their therapist. I honestly didn't expect that to happen because I'm naïve! 

Anyway, I'm feeling all my wounds today. I'm blaming the angle of the sun. Samhain, or Samhuuin, or good old Halloween, This is the end of the year. The time when once the animals used to be slaughtered and salted before winter withers the life from the trees, crumpling flowers, painting the ground in ice... Samhain is the time to prepare,  make choices about what stays, what goes, what will be useful and what will not.

This year, one thing Samhain marks is  my return to archeoastronomy, probably not a useful subject, but who knows. Taking a glance at Stellerium I see that Saturn is once again going to be in the sky - as it was last year. I'm never going to forget looking up as I returned to my car after the interview in the police station, and seeing Saturn. It felt like some kind of talisman or a blessing - or a challenge.

The challenge is that survivors are so often diagnosed as in regression, as childish, and all the worst stereotypes of children are then projected upon them; as out of control, spiteful, vengeful, ignorant and seeking to hurt the therapist because the therapist didn't give them what they wanted. As most clients are bewildered by the pain therapy has caused, and unable to identify what exactly was wrong (and bear in mind it took me years to work it out) we don't see making a complaint as the most obvious solution. We want understanding and answers from the therapist. Victims are rarely seeking punishment, we need and want our pain to be recognised and validated. And for the therapist to likewise recognise what has happened. We need to receive an apology from their heart, and signs that they understand and learn from the experience. This begins to make something terrible, better. However, these priorities put victims and therapists at complete odds with our current complaint system.

Unfortunately - and this is a point I've made many time in this blog - therapy language is post Freudian. Terms may be reconfigured in something like TA, but ultimately almost all therapies (except the postmoderns) believe in regression, denial, transference, projection, and this comes from a quasi-religious faith in prediction, diagnosis and assessment.

Three words that I will consign to the fire!

Project Saturn?

I scrolled through a therapist directory to get some idea of how many supervisors there are in my area. Almost 300! Tempting to divide meters square by 300 to see how close a person is always, in theory, to a supervisor!

Next step is to make my case, explaining exactly why, if their supervisee has a 'troublesome' client, why getting in touch with me for conflict resolution is a good idea.

I guess I'm going to name this project Under Saturn, why not!

I'd like to believe that one of the supervisors in that directory is his supervisor, Because in many ways the supervisor, his supervisor, played a part in what happened to me. If I had a client emailing me to say that they were thinking of making a SAR (official request for notes) I'd realise that there was a problem. If there is a problem, then to supervision it must go...

So did his supervisor say, 'just reply in block capitals - NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN'?

Hats off to that supervisor if that's the case because it was so helpful...

Ultimately though, would a therapist's notes reveal the attitudes and dismissals that caused the harm I experienced? I do not believe so. I didn't make the SAR for that reason, But of course I still could...it is usual to keep notes for seven years.

But this therapist actively tried to destroy my career - so I do not dare.